I love Facebook. I have reconnected with friends I haven’t heard from since college, high school and even grade school. But I also fear Facebook, because I have heard from people from college, high school and even grade school whom I don’t want to be back in touch with. And therein lies the rub, the nub, the upside and downside of Facebook – people can find you and try to connect, whether you want them to or not.

Even if you are Internet illiterate, surely by now you have heard of MySpace and Facebook, the ubiquitous social networking sites. MySpace claims over 100 million active monthly users and Facebook claims over 60 million. Generationally speaking, MySpace is for the younger set while Facebook is popular with people in their mid to late 30s, those around my age (40-somethings), and now a growing number of users in their 50s and 60s as well.

For me, Facebook is a site that I use to find old friends, keep in touch with current and far-flung friends, follow my beloved Alma Mater, Kenyon College, and stay abreast of the activities and lives of people I love. But other people have other ideas, and those don’t always gibe with mine.

Facebook is an opportunity to reach a wide audience, and I think people use that to over-share, whether it’s for their personal beliefs or to post picture after picture of their kid’s soccer game or memories of high school. Or comments and photos that may not be in your best interest. Over-sharing is the upshot of such easy access to so many people, but it’s a problem. I often groan when I see what people post and mutter, “Keep it to yourself” or “That picture has to come down.”

I don’t want to see any compromising photos of myself from college and I am not altogether thrilled with those shots of me from 8th grade basketball camp (1978 was not my best year). This is my motto: if I can see it everyone can see it. If it’s on the web, it’s there for anyone to see. So I’m not shy about asking people to take down comments or photos that may be misinterpreted or that might harm my reputation or integrity.
I fully admit that I am a selfish user. I want what I want and I don’t want to be bothered with much of what I am being bothered with. For example, recently, a Facebook friend asked me to join a group to help “put God back in the public schools.”

Whether I want God put back in public schools (which I don’t) isn’t so much the point. I don’t want any political or religious sectarianism on my social site. I was also asked recently by a friend from high school to “become a fan of Jesus.” For you non-Facebook users, being a fan of something means you join this group and get updates and feeds from that site. Listen, nothing against God or Jesus, but this is not how I want to use Facebook.

I want to see pictures of your kids and what you look like now (since the last time I saw you was Homecoming 1983). I want to hear when your art show is or when your band plays next. I want to know when the next alumni happy hour or fundraiser is or get a link to someone’s appearance on the Today Show. I don’t want to join any causes or mix my social life with anything political or religious, at least not on Facebook.

After these two requests and a host of political ones, I posted a statement on my wall that politely asked my friends not to invite me to join any religious or political groups. I explained that I wanted Facebook to be purely social. From the overwhelming response I got it seems I am not alone, for everyone who commented shared my sentiments.

My posting emboldened Dave Stine who suffers the same over-sharing from many of his friends. After Dave received a feed from a law school classmate of pictures of her dog in its Halloween costume, Dave replied that she should keep her inane photos of her ugly dog to herself and not clog up Facebook with stupid stuff like that. She wrote back to say she didn’t realize he was such a jerk, to which he replied that she was wrong, he had always been a jerk. They defriended each other. Problem solved!

I am not exactly sure what the etiquette of these sites is, but it seems that one should carve out the way one wants to use them and stand firm. If you don’t like getting flowers or drinks or hugs or farm animals or any of the other inane things people send you, just say so, or simply ignore them. If you don’t want to join people’s groups just ask politely not to be invited, or ignore the request altogether. And you should police the sites to see what is out there that you don’t like. Facebook can be fun and rewarding, if you use it the way you want.